Lifes Unbearable Twists and Turns

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I was more of a stubborn child and to be honest, I believe a little depressed too from the divorce my parents just went through. In some aspects, there was a regression in the stage of development because my ideal self was no longer compatible with my real self (cite). This caused me a great deal of neuroticism also due with the fact that I had lost my sense of autonomy and no longer had control in my life. We fought and struggled for quite some time until one day later in the year something happened. ?It was early in the morning on a school day. Little did I know this was the last day I would be normal. ?I remember sitting at my desk coloring and then without warning watched as this unspeakable rash spread over my body like a wildfire. I went to the teacher and she wasn’t sure what to think and sent me straight to the school nurse. As quickly as it was spreading I started cramping. I became feverish, chilled and very lethargic. My body looked as though I was rolled in a bowl of poison oak. My mother left work early and took me home. unsure of what to do. The morning following was the morning that forever changed my life. I awoke in bed screaming out because I was in horrific pain. The pain was so unbearable not even a bed sheet could touch me. My mother and grandparents were horrified by what was happening. I was quickly taken to the ER where I was admitted to the hospital. It seemed like years later I was finally diagnosed with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. Not many had heard of the disease and frankly for the most part doctors didn’t even know how to treat it because it was such an unknown disease. Because of this I was in and out of the hospital and was not able to continue my schooling for quite some time. Any education I received was by a teacher who came intermittently to the hospital or to my home. I couldn’t retain anything that was taught to me for the fact I was in such severe pain I couldn’t think of anything else. It wasn’t until the 4th grade in which I was able to make a comeback at school and try to develop a sense of self and self worth. In addition, due to my hospital isolation, I had missed out on the social cohort that forms early on in a social institution such as school. I was also struggling with Erikson’s stage of industry vs. inferiority because I was not receiving the proper education that would make me feel accepted in society (cite). I wanted a friend more than anything since I hadn’t been able to have any since the onset of my disease. When I started back to school I was only known by a few who knew me by other relations, such as my sister was friends with a girl who had a sister in my grade, etc. That sister would tell the one who was in my class of my disease which in turn, became twisted by rumor. Twisted in the fact that they never knew what was truly wrong with me and at that age were afraid it was something that they could catch. Kids in my class were rapidly told I was a disease and a freak and I was quickly ostracized. I never knew what to expect with my health from day to day. I was still in and out of the hospital on a monthly basis.