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Critical incident

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There was a lot of noise. I heard a loud bang and a frightening crunching sound. I remember thinking ‘Oh my god something has hit us’. I was repeatedly telling my children that everything was all right, but before I knew it I had jumped out of the car and was so angry at the man in the van that I ran towards him aggresively shouting that he was an idiot and that I had three kids in the car. The man put his hands up in front of his face, acting in defence saying he was sorry and begging me to calm down. I ran back round to the children and opened the car doors. They all looked shocked. Zanna, my daughter was saying she couldn’t breathe properly because the seat belt had tightened and she was also wearing a back brace at the time. however she had released her seat belt. My son, Harvey was saying that his neck hurt. He was sitting in the very back of the car. Oliver who was sitting next to me complained that his neck hurt too. I felt very frightened that they were hurt. By then, the man who had hit us also came round to the car and started to talk to the children. He soon realised that Zanna had a back brace on and that Harvey couldn’t communicate very well. the man looked at me and said he was sorry and that he could see my children had problems and that he had children too. He looked quite upset, by that time, I was crying. Then I also felt sorry for the man, I realized that he was upset too and he didn’t hit us on purpose. I tried to calm him down by telling him that we’d be fine. Soon after the accident, I telephoned my husband explaining what had happened, we went home and my husband came home and took us to hospital to get our necks checked, where to my great relief, we were told we had muscular injuries. no bone damage. I used to be very aggressive. Agression was the basic defense mechanism I was in the habit of using whenever I was under stress. At the time of the accident, I suddenly felt like a lioness with her cubs, I was definitely ready to eat the man! It was my anger that made me act the way I did and also nearly drove me to attack the man. Though it’s a great feeling that I was protective towards my children. however after thinking on this behavior of mine, I came to the conclusion that I don’t really like my angry side very much. Seeing my children hurt trigerred my anger, but then I had to deal with the hurt and pain that it caused and thoughts of how much worse it could have been. over useage of my imagination. When I say ‘hurt’, it has a personal meaning. It means that I feel uncomfortable and out of control. Some times I feel that my anger is not in my grasp and it makes me do things I later regret, it’s a feeling of being exposed and I’m not comfortable with that feeling. Defense mechanisms are ways by which the human ego strives to rid off any form of anxiety (Zeldow, 2000: P. 138). I believe I use anger as a defense against anxiety and it often gets translated into agression or aggressive behavior. This accident was a while ago, I was unaware of my defensive anger at that time and I had no clue of how my anger was being processed and expressed. and also what impact it was having on others around me. Today when I think of that incident, I feel ashamed of my childish behavior. I regret acting so agressively towards the man who hit us. I mean how would I feel if I were in an accident and the other party acted the way I did? I know for sure that